So Rolf Harris. Forgetting the fact he’s currently being questioned for sexual offences, there’s still many other reasons to hate him! Let’s get this little beauty out of the way first. Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson – Why Won’t Rolf Harris Just Fuck Off And Die. Yes why won’t you Rolf? Unfortunately I only have an MP3 of this and cannot find a YouTube video. I’ll probably get in trouble for hosting it, but oh well here it is.
How can they have not known he was a sexual predator? I mean look at him! He looks like he’s just been granted a visit to an all girls school.
Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport – I wish someone would tie you down Rolf! The whole song is horrible. It’s written to be sung only in an Australian accent – the one accent that should never be sung in, as proven by Kylie Minogue. The last verse reads “Tan me hide when I’m dead, Fred. Tan me hide when I’m dead” – wishful thinking on my behalf. My biggest concern is the fact it made the top ten, people will buy any old shit. He had a go at Stairway to Heaven – More wishful thinking on my behalf I think. But then there’s ‘Two Little Boys’, I bet you’re looking a little differently at this song now! It’s just all the noises he makes during performances, he sounds like an asthmatic guerrilla who’s just found a big stash of bananas. I suppose he looks a lot like that too!
Over the years our Rolf has appeared in a number of programs on television. Who remembers Animal Hospital? The program Rolf did about animals, in hospitals (just to clear that up). As if a poor injured animal wasn’t in enough distress, Rolf turns up to lend a hand! I think the whole situation just got to this one cat too much, he kicks right off! I like to think all the anger is aimed towards Rolf!
How can we mention Animal Hospital without bringing up the theme tune. Here’s a haunting sound from the past!
Now onto the most important reason to hate Rolf Harris, more important than anything else by far!
Yes the fucking Wobble Board. The made up instrument that doesn’t create any sort of musical tone, but still he ‘plays’ it. I mean for fuck sake, he realised the musical potential of hardboard (as us normal people call it) whilst trying to cool some wood down. He shook it between his palms and thought, and I quote “what a marvellous sound”. No Rolf, no it’s not. It takes some balls to introduce a flat sheet of wood to the world and claim it to be a musical instrument. I mean only a complete cock would do that… Oh hang on.
Here’s a fantastic video that not only shows him flexing his board, but also being a complete arse afterwards. I recommend watching this the whole way through – but only once.
Is now a good time to mention Jake the Peg? Is it ever a good time to mention Jake the fucking Peg? In 2004 it was voted 4th best Australian single of all time! Says a lot for Australian music. It’s such an awful act, and just watching it makes me want to punch him in the beard. Here he is for you all to suffer, live on stage being a particularly annoying prat!
I have to show one more thing before leaving this, although it will be left very much open. There will be more to add to this! This is Rolf doing his own take on Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody. With this ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case. Skip to 2:43ish for some full on Wobble Board action!
EDIT: Oh look he’s been charged. I think the saying is “I told you so”.