Calling Operation Yewtree. All officers please report to the Deal or no Deal studio.

Come on? Why is he still on TV? Does anyone know how to contact Noel Edmonds? I’m trying to suggest ‘reverse digestive surgery’, so the shit starts coming out the right end.

I’ve had to screen cap this, before someone with no sense of humour corrects it. The section of his Wikipedia page that displays his age has broken, how convenient…

Edmonds - Age

Expression errors on Noel Edmonds age, well that’s made my Monday. That is of course until I get home this evening and see Deal or no Deal is still on the television. The hang out for weirdos led by the number one weirdo, who’s so weird nobody even questioned My Blobby! I don’t know what gets me the most; the shirts, the hair, the attitude or the damn right arrogance of somebody who’s spent his entire career presenting crap TV, and knowing it!

He’s presented a range of rubbish over the years including; Deal or no Deal, Noel’s House Party, Noel’s HQ, Telly Addicts and Are You Smarter Than a 10 Year Old, just to name a few. The problem with ‘Are You Smarter Than a 10 Year Old’ is the kids are just as much of a nightmare as Noel. Private school pretentious little pricks are made to answer questions that are written for 10 year olds, against people who haven’t been 10 years old since before GCSE’s existed. Some of the questions are absolutely absurd. It’s one of those tender moments when you sit staring at your TV wondering how much damage you could do, if you ran through the studio with a tommy gun and didn’t let go of the trigger. Hmmmm.

Then there’s ‘Noels House Party’. It was a standard Saturday night crap program that’s meant for the whole family, but was watched by stoned people – who thought Mr Blobby was absolutely ace! There can’t be any other reason it was on for so long, without anybody moaning about it. The show was just a jumble of crap, and that is proven by reading the first part of it’s Wikipedia page. I actually had to read this twice to make sense of it. It sums the show up well, and would be my number 1 piece of defensive evidence as to why it should never be shown again. I’m sure after reading it you’ll be asking yourself the same question – Were we all high in the 90’s?

Noels House Party - Wiki

Noel’s HQ is a whole new can of worms. It’s Noel being Noel, but trying to do it politically. Usually I would describe this myself, but I don’t think I could top Charlie Brookers 2 minute view on it. Just look at the audience dancing around nearer the end, it’s like somebody has spiked the tea at a charity fun day.

In 2004 Channel 5 (that great, popular channel) did a documentary on Noel, and aptly named it ‘The Curse of Noel Edmonds’. During this program DJ Mike Read amongst others, spoke about Noels life and career, it’s very riveting. You should watch it, well no you shouldn’t.

It’s amazing the lengths people will go to to avoid Noel Edmonds. Noel was preparing to present an episode of the show ‘The Late, Late Breakfast Show’ but it got cancelled two days before going on air after Michael Lush died in preparation. He was going to perform a live stunt on the show but during training, his rope came loose during a bungee jump and he fell to his death. Did his rope come loose? I could imagine people going to great lengths to avoid Edmonds, I’d consider a big fall to not be confronted by the hawaiian shirt and that “natural” hair.

He’s on his third wife now, the other two escaped! I don’t blame them, I’d rather marry a pig with IBS. He lives in Devon for all you people who want to avoid him, and he’s got a new wife now – sorry girls. According to Wikipedia his 2nd wife was cheating on him, how could she?

In a section of his Wikipedia page it says he is very interested in ‘spirituality’. In other words he’s more of a loony than you first think. Here’s a quote: “He has also claimed that he is occasionally visited by two melon-sized “spiritual energy” balls, which appear over his shoulders and which he believes to be the spirits of his dead parents. Edmonds further claims that the orbs appear only on digital photographs.” Only appear on digital photography, how convenient. The one type of media that’s very easy to ‘edit’. Not that I’m saying he’s a fraud or anything, why would he be a fraud? He’s such good friends with the banker.

 

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