Heart FM – More Music Variety. Fuck off! I love the fact that OFCOM actually investigated whether this was misrepresentation. Yes that is a fact! OFCOM‘s ruling was “whilst repetitive, the network was not in breach of any radio protocol with its’ ‘more music variety’ slogan.” OFCOM have clearly never listened to Heart for more that an hour!

Heart used to be played at my place of work, so I heard it all day, everyday. Not only are the songs repetitive, but so are the DJ’s and the adverts! They seem to have this bizarre list of songs that get played every couple of hours. One of them is possibly one of the worst songs to ever get to number 2, (The really bad one’s get to number 1!) 4 Non Blondes – What’s Up. This song makes a Genesis concert sound appealing!

Some of the shows are regional and some are networked, and my god they’ve got some shite! Weekday regulars include Toby Anstis (yes the guy from CBBC’s The Broom Cupboard (where he probably should’ve stayed)), and Nick Snaith from BBC1’s Holiday. It’s as if Heart is a safe haven for people we don’t want to see on Television anymore. That trend continues with Jason Donovan (currently on holiday – what a shame), Emma Bunton (maybe they hoped she’d spice things up a bit) and last and definitely least Mark fucking Wright (from The Only Way Is Essex). As you can see there’s a terrible list of absolute helmets, who are joined by piss poor songs and annoying local business adverts!

To justify my hatred, below is the playlist from today (27/03/2013). There’s not one single song on their playlist, that has been released in 2013!! On top of this playlist, they play a lot of stuff from the 1980’s. I for one hate 80’s music. To quote something my dad once said “even artists who were good in the 70’s, became bad in the 80’s”.

  • Adele – Set Fire To The Rain. Yes released in the UK on 14/07/2011. That’s almost 2 years ago, and it only hit number 11!
  • Adele – Someone Like You. Obviously a much bigger track, which sat at number one for a long time. Still though released in the UK on 24/01/2011!
  • Alyssa Reid – Alone Again. Hit number one. Released in UK on 29/01/2012
  • Beyonce – Love On Top. Only made it to number 13! More importantly it was released in the UK on 9/11/2011!!
  • Bruno Mars – Count On Me. An absolutely horrible song, which wasn’t even released as a proper single in the UK. However it peaked proudly in the charts at number 78!
  • Bruno Mars – Marry You. Never released as a single (officially), but in January of 2011 it made number 66 in the UK charts.
  • Charlene Soraia – Wherever You Will Go. A cover version of an ‘alright’ song that made number 20 in the UK in October 2011!
  • Christina Perri – Jar Of Hearts. It made number 4 when it was released in the UK on 27/7/2010!
  • Coldplay – Paradise. This was a UK number 1. It was however released in September 2011.
  • Twilight – Cover Drive. A UK number 1 in February 2012.
  • Ed Sheeran – Lego House. Hit number 5 in the UK charts, in November 2011!
  • Emeli Sande – Next To Me. You hear Emeli about 1,000 times a day on Heart. This particular track is the most popular. It reached number 2 in the UK in February 2012.
  • Gotye – Somebody That I Used To Know. Released in the UK in December 2011. This piece of musical drivel got to number 1 in the UK.
  • Jason Mraz – I Won’t Give Up. This peaked at number 11 in the UK, in January 2012!
  • Jessie J – Domino. This track made number 1 in the UK, when released in August 2011!
  • Katy Perry – The One That Got Away. Released in the UK on 4th December 2011. It reached number 18 in the UK charts.
  • Madonna – Masterpiece. Part of the soundtrack for the film W.E. This single from the wrinkled ‘has-been’ reached number 68 in the UK in April 2012.
  • Marcus Collins – Seven Nation Army. Another member of the X-Factor throwaway family. This cover reached number 9 in the UK in March 2012.
  • Maroon 5 – Moves Like Jagger. This monstrosity of a track was released in August 2011 and made it to number 2 in the UK. God I hate this song.
  • Olly Murs – Dance With Me Tonight. This was released in November of 2011, and made it to number 1 in the UK.
  • Olly Murs – Oh My Goodness. More shite from the X-Factor throwaway family member. (No matter how far he’s come, that’s where he started). Was number 13 in the UK in April 2012!
  • Pitbull – Give Me Everything. Really? It doesn’t exactly fit in with the rest of the playlist does it? This tool got to number 1 in the UK in June 2011 with this track.
  • Pixie Lott – All About Tonight. This shite made number 1 in the UK in September 2011. Why the hell would they keep this song in their playlist now? It wasn’t good when it came out!
  • Rihanna – We Found Love. With the help from legend Calvin Harris, this made it to number 1 in the UK in October 2011!
  • Will Young – Jealousy. This pretty much sums Heart FM up. Crap! This got to Number 5 in the UK in August 2011. Somehow…
Share →