David Dickinson – The Orange Arsehole. His real name is David Gulesserian, but I think the one with ‘dick’ in it is much more appropriate. Everything this man appears in has ‘boring’ written all over it.

David Dickinsons Real Deal – Dickinson’s Real Deal is an ITV, UK modern antiques and collectables television programme presented by David Dickinson. It is broadcast on ITV as part of the afternoon schedule, and is repeated on sister channel ITV3.

An American version of the show, simply titled Real Deal, was aired for one series on History, produced by Zodiak USA. The elements are the same except that the US show lacks the on-screen host for intervention on the deals.

The above is taken from Wikipedia, doesn’t it sound exciting? “The elements are the same except that the US show lacks the on-screen host for intervention on the deals”. You lucky bastards! It starts with people talking about antiques, where they’ve found them, what they want for them etc. Then out of nowhere this tanned tosspot pops in and advises on the deal, and recommends whether to sell or take on to auction. Who cares? It’s not just the fact that he intervenes it’s the way he does it, with his constantly moving hands and his ‘completely natural’ hair. The guy’s an absolute tool. Below is a particularly good clip because I’m sure like me within the first 10 seconds you’ll think he’s a c**t. If you watch on a little while you’ll also notice that he can’t say ‘auction’. He says ‘oction’.

Then there’s Bargain Hunt, another program where Mr Tan tries to earn you some money by selling crap, except this time you have to buy it first – I haven’t made this up!  Another exciting synopsis from Wikipedia:

Bargain Hunt is a British television programme in which two pairs of contestants are challenged to buy antiques at a fair and then sell them in an auction for a profit. It has aired on BBC One since 13 March 2000 in a daytime version and from 22 August 2002 to 13 November 2004 in a primetime version. David Dickinson began as host of the daytime version and went on to also present the primetime version. Tim Wonnacott has presented the daytime version since 2003.

Doesn’t it sound exciting? Don’t you just wish they did a DVD box set? Yes, me too!

I love the fact he was replaced by Tim Wonnacott, I mean come on? You’re doing this on purpose BBC! There couldn’t have been a more perfect replacement. It’s like having a crap old Skoda and replacing it with a crap old Skoda (just a less Orange one). I mean look at them, the only thing I could think of that would be worse is if they did something together. The pictures below are like every womans worst nightmare. I bet they’d have some riveting conversations. I reckon there’s a few more contenders for operation Yewtree here. I mean it’s in his name Dick-in-son.

DavidDickinson1-1001x1024 Bargain-Hunt-Tim-Wonnacot-006


Let’s look at some other places this orange face has popped up.

Star Portraits with Rolf Harris 2004 – Absolute shit. (Rolf Harris article coming soon).

I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here 2005 – He is the exact sort of person I’d expect to see on here. Whilst on the show he let loose the fact he used to do Heroin. If there was ever an advert to put people off Heroin, he is it! I’ll tell you what though, I never knew Heroin turned your skin Orange. So thanks Dick for that.

Who Do You Think You Are 2006 – Oh god. Imagine having a knock at the door one day to be told that after extensive family history research, it’s been found that you are related to David Dickinson. I’ve never considered mass murder, but I think that would push me over the edge.

He’s been everywhere, he even spent some time at Her Majesties expense for fraud. Yes the man who hosts a TV show where people spend and receive money, has been inside for fraud. If I remember correctly it was something to do with a company failing and him pissing off with the money. I would look it up but if my internet history contains any more David Dickinson, the misses will start to wonder.

To top this all off, this popped through my letterbox a few weeks ago! You pin-stripe prick Dickinson!

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